i'm just looking for an excuse to touch you.

This is how I like to imagine this conversation went.
Boy: "Do you need me to put sunscreen on your back?"
Girl: "Oh yes, that would be nice. It's a spray, so you can just spray it on."
*boy begins to apply sunscreen*
Girl: "Orrrr, you could awkwardly rub my no rub sunscreen. No big deal."

the beach is my personal gym.

This guy here, was moments before, doing ab work outs. I mean, yeah sure, maybe you need to work on that flab a little, but you can do that at home. It's just weird.

i'm actually 12.

These guys were total winners. Completely.

Every few minutes they'd go charging into the water, screaming, getting everyone around them wet.

This last time, they specifically ran in and got that couple on the right there wet. Then proceeded to make a ridiculous amount of noise and yell and splash and act like the cool kids they were.

i just have the perfect body for this.

Really? Please? Stop? If I ask nicely, will you buy a bigger bathing suit? One that preferably covers your entire ass/legs/body? Thanks so much.

this one bit of exercise will totally help with my figure.

I would definitely prefer if you didn't move that much, with so much vigor and enthusiasm. I mean, props to you for working out and trying to get in shape and what not, but I mean, is it that hard to put a shirt on? We really don't want to watch sand be shaken out of your fat rolls. Thanks so much to Atsirk for the pic! :)

i'm going to wear my clothes in the water, thanks for asking.

Why. I just don't understand why you would go to a BEACH and wear your street clothes into the water. I mean, is it that hard to put on a pair of board shorts or something? Or do you just not own any..?

control your children please.

This is what happens when you let your children run rampant. Their pants fall down and they don't even know that they're practically mooning the entire population of York County. If you have to get one of those child leashes, do it, but we really don't want to see pale, white, ass cheek.

one pieces are made for a reason.

And this woman would be the exact reason why. Honestly, this is not attractive in any sense of the word. I had to watch her attempt to fix that stupid umbrella so many times I thought I would puke. Please, please invest in a one piece bathing suit.

oh wait, i know him...

This here, would be Matt DeLong. What first caught our eye, was his Wonder Bread-esque mini shorts. Then we realized we knew him, and got him to pose for a few pictures. Multiple girls hit on him while this photo shoot was occurring.

i'm so hardcore.

Really, you can prove your awesomeness in ways other than by dying every hair on your head pink. This doesn't make you look hardcore, it just makes you look you have a bag of cotton candy stuck on your head. Thanks to Chanda for the pic!